well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
