Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
