he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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