i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
