Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
