Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
