I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
