Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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