Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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