Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
His nipple licking is glorious
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