I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
