just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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