meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
