Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
