Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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