and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
