Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
