I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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