Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Randomize
