shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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