In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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