Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
