whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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