I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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