Umm I'm too high to move.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
