I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
