I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
