New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
