ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
