I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
