Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
