i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
