Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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