so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
