jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
