i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
