Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The best revenge is premature balding
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
