Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
