omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
