All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
