Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
