i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
