YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
