I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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