Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hippo gnu deer
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
