if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
