2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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