no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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