You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
