what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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