I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
