Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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