Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
