Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
