just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
