Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
