So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
