I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
