I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
